On top of the grief, I’ve been dealing with panic attacks. They come on suddenly, my heart races, and I can’t seem to catch my breath. It feels like I’m losing control, and it’s terrifying. Managing these has been a challenge, but I’ve found a few strategies that help, like deep breathing exercises which help slow my heart rate and grounding techniques that help me stay present. I’ve also started seeing a therapist who specializes in grief and anxiety, which has been helpful. They’ve given me tools to manage the panic and understand that what I’m experiencing is a natural response to loss. Keeping a routine helps too, simple things like morning walks, time set aside for reading, or cooking dinner help bring a sense of normalcy to my days.
Lately, I’ve been throwing myself into my work more than ever. At the office, I find myself asking for more tasks, taking on extra projects—anything to keep busy. This distraction helps me avoid thinking about my grief, even if it’s just for a few hours. It’s like if I’m busy enough, I won’t have time to feel sad or anxious. But I know this is only a temporary fix, and it’s not addressing the deeper issues I’m dealing with.
There’s this disconnect between the person I used to be and who I am now. I used to feel vibrant and full of life, but now I just feel dull inside. I know this isn’t me, but it’s hard to find my way back. I’m slowly trying to rebuild a sense of purpose. It’s not easy, and there are setbacks, but I focus on small achievements. Whether it’s going through a day without a panic attack, managing to meet a friend for coffee, or just getting out of bed when I feel like I can’t—it all counts.
Writing this down and sharing it feels like a small step toward healing. If you’re feeling the same way, maybe my words can offer you some comfort. You’re not alone in this struggle, and it’s okay to feel like you’re barely getting by. We all have our own pace in this journey of grief. Feeling dead inside and managing panic attacks is a tough battle, but it’s one I’m learning to navigate through therapy, support, and personal coping strategies. The journey through grief is long and winding, but I’m finding that each small step forward is a victory. And in the midst of this storm, I hold onto hope that there will be calmer days ahead.